I have recently come to realize that my biggest downfall in life is expectations! Yes I have high expectations and not everyone does, I am a perfectionist and like things to be done a certain way and on time. Not everybody is like this. I have to train myself somehow to be able to let things go, not let the things that other people can’t do or don’t have the time to do, bother me. I have to teach myself that not everyone is the same. We are all different which is a good thing otherwise the world would be a very boring place, but I have a hard time with my expectations of people. I have always felt that if I can do it, so can you, but it doesn’t work that way, not everyone has the same passion as I do.
My passion has been and always will be helping any child who needs it, I can’t change this nor do I want to. I am driven to help the women, children and babies living on the streets in Kenya for many reasons and I know I push hard when it comes to getting them off the street and into a safe space. Safe spaces aren’t common in Kenya and once I realized that I pushed even harder to have Scotty’s Rescue Centre built, it is a work in progress…BUT every time I go to the street and bring food, or blankets or whatever it may be that we have for them on any given day it gets harder and harder, leaving a 6 year old to fend for themselves on the street just kills me! I lose a little bit more of myself every time I do this…so what do I do…I push and push and push…there has to be another way to get the money we need, there has to be something I am missing, there has to be more help out there, there has to be a company who would surely want to help, there has to be a way we can get the cost of a truck to build the centre…there just has to be…but I just don’t know what it is!!
I feel lost in a world where these children have been forgotten, they don’t matter, they are only street people, they smell, they are dirty, they sniff gasoline and the worst one of all is that they can harm you! A world that has moved on to the 21st century without them, a world that has just given up helping them, a world where I don’t belong!! In my world I do want to help them and I know we can make a difference as we already have but what kind of world do we live in when a child is considered a danger to me at the age of 6 years old???? I will never understand this and it is probably for the best that I don’t, somethings are better not knowing!! Underneath all the dirt, they are still just children, no different then your child, just not as lucky in life!!!
I was thanked recently by a wonderful Kenyan woman for my sacrifices…my sacrifices? I asked her. She went on to say that yes “your sacrifices” , you have sacrificed your home, your family, your country, a paying job, and your whole life to be in Kenya to help these children. Only after she said this did I start to think about it like that. I have never thought about what I have “given up” not living in Canada, yes I miss my family and friends terribly BUT this is where I belong, someone needs to be the voice for these “Forgotten Children” and if myself, Johnson and our BACM family doesn’t do it who will???? I have always considered myself lucky that these women and children have allowed me to be a part of their lives and I still do, that will never change, my life in Kenya isn’t always easy but it is where I have chosen to be, in some ways Kenya actually chose me!!
So bear with me when I push too hard, I am not doing on purpose!!